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| 又在香港，终于在香港，终于可以没有任何阻碍地上xanga上google blog。每天听着鸟语一样但比北京话更讲韵律、更讲语调、更被异化的语言，竟然听力也有了大幅度的长进。每天活在日文、英文、广东话的世界，说北京话成了奢望。
来前丁先生问我为何想来。我粗粗算了一下，香港竟然成了我唯一已经去了两次以上的城市之一。（太原和北京不应该被算进来的）。一次是观光，虽然没什么光可以观。两次是为了考试，想一想如果当时有任何一点小的变化的话自己应该现在不会在香港也不会留在北大吧。一个人背着背包暴走在大街上，我想，我来是为了疗伤。疗自己一年多间，在北大给自己刻下的心理的伤。希望给自己找一个答案，真正想做什么，到底要去做什么，现在能做什么。
见了小朋友，出生在一天的人也没想象中那么像。见了陈叔叔，很是喜欢和他聊天，尽管那个谈话异常地短，主题也是在跑来跑去。见到张姐姐，聊天很舒服。见到了一位学姐，另一位是rcef alum，金融界人士，待在一起一个小时竟没有真正说道几句话，想来还是约错了人。又见友人，去年，还是在二月中，只是地点从香港公园跑到了迪士尼。她应该去更好学校的。见了朱博士，他应该去做学术的，坐在中环的办公室里他大概不会快乐。
又去太古住了一晚，去年的2月也是在同样的地方。又跑到causeway bay迷路，不过不用像去年一样为了找考场异常悲惨地晃荡两个小时发现自己走到了Wan Chai，又坐上了城铁，只是发现名字改成了East Railway而不是原来的KCR，又跑到艺术馆，发现制造香港和798的众多展览厅风格一样，发现二层的几件展品在北大图书馆里见到过。跑到Disney，发现自己老了，当别人认为刺激和富有吸引力的东西对我来说变得无所谓的时候，不知是喜还是悲。跑到尖沙咀，想起了去年和Ian匆匆走过。
三联的书比不上北京美术馆的三联韬奋，更不用提博雅唐和风入松（不排除我走错店的可能）。以及其便宜的价格淘到林文月的作品倒让我很是欣喜，还有她翻译的《枕草子》。史景迁的书在大陆被禁的在这里买到了，又见《见树又见林》，在一家没什么人的台版书店里，忽然想起了彭师爷和师妈妈。看着破烂三联里边涌动的人和地铁里各种各样的游戏机和插本书，笑笑，这里，或许真得是文化沙漠。尽管真得有好书，尽管硬件真得很棒。周五在一家书店里找到了元想要的摩西五经和索多玛128天。还有自己一直想看的赵紫阳软禁谈话。看到了李先生推荐的毛泽东传，可惜，已经没钱了…总共算一下，买书花800多港币。是所有花费中的绝对多数。
关于内地大学和香港大学的争论，google一下到处都是。究竟是香港大学质量高还是国内一流学校（北大和北大的对门，其他学校或多或少差一些）质量高，表面看是看不出结果的。一周时间，我匆匆走过，也没有权利去发言关于香港的本科教育与大陆的本科教育孰优孰劣。
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鉴于Xanga在大陆被block，所有东西转至libjing.blogspot.com。此文继续。 | | |
| 世界上傻子很多，但聪明人同样多。
要努力变得聪明，而不是相反。
事实上在向相反方向行进。
怎么办，怎么办。 | | |
| I
I was talking with Ceci today on MSN about how difficult it is to find a job nowadays in mainland China, given that students could hardly find jobs as the market is almost full and the college graduates are rushing into the market. Suddenly I told her I feel anxious about this too. She said, how come, you are studying in BD. I told her even so, I am still not top of the school. I am just an average Beida-er, though trying hard, but still fail to get to the top.
She said "how come? I thought you are still the top at school".
Well, surely I disappoint her. Not only her, but a lot more people, including myself. I have been feeling down ever since entering Beida. The school is charming, indeed, with elite students, profs, frontline scholars, and various opportunities which other students in an average university could never get. However, the price of this is you have a lot more stronger competitors competing with you all the time. And for people not strong enough, nor smart enough like me, are the losers.
There were a lot of "I don't believe" before I came to Beida but now I believe in all of them. There are people who seldom learns but always get decent marks in exams, and there are girls who watch TV episodes every day for at least three hours however still perform dedicately in Japanese listening, should I expected this earlier, at least I would feel more comfortable now. Though they are small potatoes when talking artistic or humanity or social science with me, however it is school, I could never beat them in front of tests, though I really really tried. And different from high school, I am much more engaged in learning, almost giving up all my extracurricular interests, but soly concentrated in Japanese, and various readings in sociology, I could still hardly get satisfying grades in Japanese courses.
I had talked with mom and dad that I am hardly as good as before in university, their answers are "as long as you've tried". I know there maybe access to better GPAs had I took easier courses, went for less lectures, and gave up my NGO works but go for easier circles in uni. However I don't want to miss them all and has been considering they should be part of my memory. Among the took challenging courses- Yale course last semester and Social Psychology this semester are good examples, the former leads me experience what research looks like and experienced seminar and long readings for a whole semester; the latter makes me a good writer for reading reports, and made me good friends.
II
Looking back, the three semesters I have been in Beida, the most valuable things I have learnt is the ability to think and analyse independently, and never be a simple minded follower of others simply because he/she is more prestigious/higher GPA. They can be stupid people, knowing how to get good marks but can be life-followers, following the wave blindly.
I am fortunate, that the various circles I have been in, all enable me growth in some extent. Pro-application era can be my "renaissance", making me knowing how large the world is, how tiny I am, and how much I do not yet know. Later NGO era should be my "enlightenment", providing me a different perspective of defining "success" and the meaning of life and living. Different from the former application circle friends, they tend to be more materialistic, and actually, slave of life. They go for iBank, consulting, those money-amass business, rather than getting down and thinking what they should do, though they say it clear in their applications they will contribute to China's development someday. However the NGO friends showed me the ideal perspective of life, and how one could
go without the penacles from society, and live in a way they wish to be.
I definitely look down upon the materialistic type person, and lean to the second type, though it's not likely for me to be a professional social worker someday, however recently I found within myself various hints of being materialistic. I read out of purpose, I evaluate everything taking effect as its indicator (though there might be no others beside this one). YT is right. I have the rush to do things all the time, and could hardly get down and think what is inside. Most of the time, I concentrate much on the appearence, then neglect what is inner. This is tragic, compared to who I was three years ago, back in high school, when I seek happiness in reading but not for obvious purpose of knowing some fancy knowledge and write it in proposals or applications or talk with others to show off. | | |
| Thanks to Steve and ZQ mentioning about Tor, finally, finally found out a stable way to get on Xanga.
Winter vacation finally started, and I surprisingly (and sadly) found this is actually, the first vacation for me. True.
Last year at this time I was in Shenzhen, preparing for ACT, and stuggling with various funs outside...And in the summer, RCEF VP engaged most of the time, leaving my summer with one week free time, to hang out with RCEF friends, and rested a little bit, then back to school for the disgusting JunXun thing.
I am living in my auntie's apartment, in Southern Beijing, reading, surfing the net, writing, and chatting with my cousin.
Probably this will be how my whole winter vacation goes. I am trying to make a personal site and writing all my past year experience (ever since entering college) and reflecting myself and getting restarted though.
More articles coming soon. With the SUPERB TOR! | | |
| Finally get on xanga. Dunno what is the exact time it got blocked, but ever since July, when the VP started, and I was trying to write something on Xanga. I was astonished to find that Xanga is totally blocked!
I now almost wrote journals everyday, not necessarily on computer though. Some are posted at
http://jing08.blogspot.com
and the readings are posted at http://libjing.blogspot.com | | |
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